How to win friends and influence people: Lesson 1

Started to read this book recently and this far it seems very helpful, I can actually recognize a lot of things from the Hyper Island way and from Susan Wheelan.

The book presents a couple of principles that if you follow them will make life easier and more pleasant, both for you and others. The author gives the reader a few tips on how to better obtain the new skills: be eager to learn, go over the chapters over and over again and take time reflect about your behavior, to write a diary helps. These things are also part of the Hyper Island way. My plan is to improve in this area so I will try to put enough effort into it by using those tools. I would like to share my learning experience with you and hopefully you can get something without having to read the book.

The first chapter is quite simple. The message is: don’t criticize other people and don’t complain. As a Hyper Island student my first thought was that isn’t constructive feedback always good if it can help people evolve and the result of a project to become as good as possible? But then there is a big difference between constructive feedback and criticism.

When the author talks about criticism he is talking about telling another person that he did something wrong. When we feel like we want to critisice someone the author tells us to stop and think about it for a moment before you do something. If you try to think about their motives, maybe you would have acted the same way if you where in the same situation.

Feedback on the other hand should be given in a way so that the person you give the feedback to understands that there is nothing wrong with his personality, only that you feel a certain way when he behaves like that and that he could maybe do it in another way next time. Feedback should also be given in an isolated context. Ask the person if it is ok to give him some feedback and he will be more prepared.

People who complain about things are just generally boring to listen to… Though, I can agree it feels good sometimes.

How will I use this?

Whenever I feel that someone is doing something wrong I will stop and think instead of acting directly upon my feelings. I will try to put myself in the persons position and if I feel that it is right I will ask the person if he would like some feedback on his work. If he says no it is no. If he says yes I will tell him how I feel when he is doing this thing and suggest how he could act instead. At Hyper Island we have a very open and safe environment and we all know each other pretty well which is why we can give each other feedback whenever we feel like it. I know it wont be like that when we come out so it is good to be prepared.

I’m especially happy to have had the opportunity to learn how to receive feedback at Hyper Island and it has helped me a lot to develop as a person and member of effective teams! Please go ahead and give me some feedback!